DEAD LEVEL AT GLITTERDOME

The return of the Hal-Saflieni Living Legends to the Glitterdome after an absence of two centuries or so led to a nervous encounter between two sides far from at the top of their game. And why wouldn’t it? Last time out for the Reavers against the rejuvenated Ancients ended with the unfortunate and somewhat grisly death of the enterprising Gaylord, who failed to make the impression on the offensive line at which his debut had so emphatically hinted. And all of us that have managed to prolong our natural lives remember what happened to the Legends last time they were here in the frantic 2116 season. It took a further 150 years for the management of the undead teams to convince CFL officials to ban the Elven use of healing spells against the opposition on the field of play. So it was that neither side seemed keen to take anything away from this game other than a draw.

With the Legends having been unchanged in 47 games, Reggae fans were disappointed to see catcher Bob Marley dropped in favour of new recruit Poke Nesbitt, lately of the Ciston Sewerboys. With flesh still on his bones, Nesbitt caught the eye of the ladies in the Legends’ travelling army of 6 assorted zombies, but it remains to be seen whether he will be able to adapt to his new unlifestyle and recapture the form that has made him the CFL’s top scorer this time around. The Reavers fielded a full strength side with several victims of long-term injuries making a miraculous, and illegal, return.

Cobain kicked off for the Legends, with Uriology collecting, and the Reavers quickly demonstrated their current form with a humiliatingly awful challenge on Morrison by Walkr. Redeeming his side, Egrian swept Morrison into the heavy maintenance box of the Legends’ dug-out, but Walkr was then himself knocked out by a crunching assault from Archilocus of Paros.

This led to a midfield tussle and several exits from the field of play, including Wino under a challenge from substitute Lennon, and Cobain, who mistimed his block on Trino. The casualties continued to build up, with Ronnie breaking the skull of Burton (a minor repair job) and Kurin smashing a hole in Nesbitt’s ribcage, an event which he can now laugh off but which just a few short weeks ago would have put him very much in the filthy paws of the clan shamans.

Spotting an opportunity for dirty play (the only kind he knows), Jones stamped on Bonetto with both boney plates, causing him massive injuries, including a smashed ankle, a gouged eye, and worse still ripping his nice new tunic.

But this was a distraction to the Legends who failed to spot Kurin skipping into their endzone. An immaculate pass from Uriology, who was still clutching the ball from kick-off, sent the Reavers’ fans wild and the Legends into quarrelous disarray.

Uriology kicked off quickly and the ball was gathered by Bolan, who handed it to Hendrix. Archilocus of Paros slammed into Janus, sending him off for treatment, but Trino broke both of Bolan’s legs and the offensive line was breached! Sadly for the Reavers, Broke failed to take advantage of the good position and Vicious was left to sprint into their endzone. A perfect pass from Hendrix and it was touchdown Legends, with both sides seeming satisfied with their evening’s work.

Avino Problamo was keen to put a positive spin on his side’s performance, emphasising that the team was going through a period of transition, the onset of autumn meaning that they were having to adapt to all-new wardrobes. “The lads have done as well as can be expected under the circumstances” he said, “the changing rooms have recently been redecorated and the lavender is clashing with our team colours. Next time out we’re going to use a different shade of eye liner and nail polish and once we’re used to it nothing will stop us.” The reporter dispatched to interview Colonel Tom Parker, coach of the Legends, did not return, although it was noted that the ranks of the Legends’ travelling army seemed to have increased as they got on the coach for the long ride back to their crypts.

Rivendale Reavers 1 (Kurin)

Hal-Saflieni Living Legends 1 (Vicious)

Tuesday 25 September 2007

Venue: Glitterdome, Rivendale

Attendance: 62,544

Serious Injuries: Bonetto (Reavers) (torn tunic) – out for 9 games

Most valuable player (Reavers): Uriology

Most valuable player (Legends): Archilocus of Paros